Funny Merry Christmas Wishes

  1. One sure sign that you’re getting older is how Santa seems to look younger each year. Cheers to another year of holiday fun!
  2. “One of the nice things about Christmas is that you can make people forget the past with a present.” ~ Unknown
  3. Don’t think of it as me bribing you, think of it as spreading Christmas cheer!
  4. Don we now our ugly sweaters…
  5. Let’s party! Merry Christmas!
  6. “You can tell a lot about a person by the way they handle three things: a rainy day, lost luggage, and tangled Christmas tree lights.” ~ Maya Angelou
  7. However tangled the lights are this year, I know you’ll handle it with aplomb. Merry Christmas!
  8. May your eggnog be spiked with plenty of rum to get you through this holiday season. Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year!
  9. “The 3 stages of man: He believes in Santa Claus. He doesn’t believe in Santa Claus. He is Santa Claus.”
  10. Congratulations on finally making it to stage 3! Merry Christmas ol’ man.
  11. “It’s all fun and games until Santa checks the naughty list.”
  12. Let’s hope he wasn’t paying close attention to us this year! Thanks for being such a great friend, it’s been fun spending time with you over the year. Here’s to a fabulous 2020!
  13. Me: “I want a magical Unicorn for Christmas”
  14. Santa: “Be realistic”
  15. Me: “Okay. I want 5 minutes to myself each day to drink my coffee hot and pee in peace.”
  16. Santa: “What color Unicorn would you like?”
  17. This made me think of us! Thank you for being such a great friend and support this year. Wishing you more sleep and time for yourself in the coming year. Happy Holidays!
  18. “Three Wise WOMEN would have asked directions, arrived on time, helped deliver the baby, bought practical gifts, cleaned the stable, made a casserole, and there would be peace on earth!”
  19. To my very wise and amazing [wife/mother], what would we do without you? Thank you for taking care of us every day and all the cooking, cleaning, shopping, negotiating, cuddles, and stories you do every day to keep our family so happy and healthy. We wish you a very Merry Christmas and a wonderful 2020!
  20. Christmas (noun). The only time of the year in which one can sit in front of a dead tree and eat candy out of socks.
  21. “I’m dreaming of a White Christmas. But if the White runs out I’ll drink the Red!”
  22. Looking forward to celebrating with you over the Holiday season. Cheers to a fabulous 2020!
  23. “Time to get into the holiday spirit… gin, vodka, whisky…”
  24. Looking forward to celebrating with you over the holidays. Wishing you a very Merry Christmas and all the best for the New Year!
  25. I hope you love the present you told me to buy for you. Merry Christmas!
  26. Please note: Christmas is canceled! Apparently YOU told Santa that you’ve been GOOD this year… he died laughing!
  27. This is the time of year to be grateful to Jesus because he got you a few extra days off from work.
  28. Thanks to autocorrect, the children who don’t check over their work will be getting a visit from Satan this year.
  29. It’s the thought that counts and I put a ton of thought into picking out this Christmas card for you!
  30. One of the best things about Christmas is the office Christmas party. It’s a great opportunity to finally meet face-to-face the people who you’ve been emailing from a few feet away all year.
  31. I like my men like I like my Christmas ornaments: bright, colorful and well hung!
  32. Do you know why this Christmas card is so wonderful? Because it isn’t an email and it isn’t a text.
  33. Money is scarce, times are hard, but I still managed to get you a Christmas card.
  34. A Christmas greeting from a lawyer: Wishing you a Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year. Disclaimer: the wisher of these wishes claims no liability, the terms ‘merry’ and ‘happy’ should not be construed as legal advice and the word ‘Christmas’ should be interpreted as including any and all other holidays, religious or otherwise, that occur in/or around the same time of year.
  35. Sorry to inform you but Christmas is cancelled this year. Apparently YOU told Santa you were good this year and he died laughing.
  36. Can I please have your picture so I can show Santa what I want for Christmas?
  37. Does anyone else think it is strange that we allow an old, fat man to sneak into our house in the middle of the night, eat cookies and drink milk and then fill our socks with his junk?
  38. I am permanently on the naughty list, and damn proud of it too!
  39. I took my daughter to go see Santa at the mall, and guess what that jerk did? He called her a ‘ho’ three times!
  40. Twas the night before Christmas and all through the house everyone was on their phone.
  41. “Aren’t we forgetting the true meaning of Christmas, the birth of Santa?” – Bart Simpson
  42. “Christmas is the time when everyone wants his past forgotten and his present remembered.” – Phyllis Diller
  43. “The Supreme Court has ruled that they cannot have a nativity scene in Washington, D.C. This wasn’t for any religious reasons. They couldn’t find three wise men and a virgin.” – Jay Leno
  44. “Once again, we come to the Holiday Season, a deeply religious time that each of us observes, in his own way, by going to the mall of his choice.” – Dave Berry
  45. “I stopped believing in Santa Claus when I was six. Mother took me to see him in a department store and he asked for my autograph.” – Shirley Temple
  46. “Santa knows Physics: Of all colors, Red Light penetrates fog best. That’s why Benny the Blue-nosed reindeer never got the gig.” – Neil deGrasse Tyson
  47. “I wrapped my Christmas presents early this year, but I used the wrong paper. See, the paper I used said ‘Happy Birthday’ on it. I didn’t want to waste it so I just wrote ‘Jesus’ on it.” – Demetri Martin